


Lack of hope

by FernShaw



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, Chronic Illness, Frontotemporal Dementia, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide, multiple personalities I guess ??, seriously just watch Nagito suffer, spoilers for chapter 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:01:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22270690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FernShaw/pseuds/FernShaw
Summary: Nagito is going to kill himself tomorrow. And before that, he decides to talk with the person he hates the most : himself.
Kudos: 15





	Lack of hope

A black room with a little light on the middle. Two people were looking at each other. A mirror reflection. In was Nagito in front of Nagito. Both were true people. They were similar but way too different.  
Komaeda had that dream pretty much every night since he left the funhouse. His own mind was haunting him and since he never found a solution to his problem, he kept having that conversation with himself over and over.

"Izuru is what you're looking for. He's hope. He's the perfect way of being. You like him, you adore him, you-"

"Stop."

"The embodiment of hope. The Ultimate everything. You are a stepladder for ultimate aren't you ? It's your goal. The reason you're alive. You should die for it. It's what you deserve. It's what he deserves."

"I SAID STOP !"

"...Why are you so worried about it ? You want it. You always wanted it."

"Not always ... It's just my brain ... You're not me, you're just a messed up version of me made by what's left of my brain ! My illness created you, you're not even supposed to exist !!"

"Yes but what version of you is in your body right now ? What version of you appeared in front of the Ultimates after that first trial ?"

"..."

"If you don't kill them they will destroy the whole meaning of hope. You know it."

"YOU care about hope. I can't take this anymore. My body can't take it anymore. I don't want to remember anything. I just wanted to be like everyone else for once. He believed in me until the very end and he still wants to believe me. That's why he asked me to hang around today even after everything that happened. That's why I had to lie to him about my health !"

"And why did you lie ?"

"Because I care about him."

"And why do you care about him ?"

" Because I ... I ..."

"Hajime Hinata is nothing. He's going to die tomorrow like all the others. You know it. And for some reason you still want to convince yourself to like him. Why ? He's a reserve student. He's worthless. You have literally no other reason than "he was kind to me" to like him. He's trash. Even trashier than ourselves. Just let him rot."

"I ... I feel at ease with him. He's not just kind, he wanted to understand me. And I want to understand him. He is intelligent. Not a genius but he does have a great way of thinking. He cared about me. He stayed with me when I was ill, even if he could have been infected by the despair desease too. He's hope. A true hope. He's not a perfect hope but he's still shining. He's the gentlest person I've ever met. That's why I ... I ..."

"You're real trash. You have a choice between the perfect human being and something ever more worthless than you and you still can't see what's best. Ultimate hope. Ultimate hope !"

"He's not hope. He's not human. He doesn't have a personality nor a life. He doesn't like or dislike things in other way than judging people."

"That's what you do too."

"That's what YOU do. A hope is created by experiencing, trying, wanting, having bonds. A dog is happy seeing a human because he hopes he could be pet, feeded, could walk with them or even play with them. How can you experience hope without liking theses kind of things ?"

"... Your dog is dead."

"... I hate you."

"You don't have anybody. Hajime hates you. You treated him just like he should be treated : a pile of pure garbage. Even if you tried to show him your live, I'm the one on control. I showed him how worthless he is. Now he hates you. You think he cared about how you were doing today ? Bullshit. You literally told them you're preparing the worst thing that could happen to them. Hajime wanted to see if you could give him informations. He doesn't care about you anymore just like I hate him. Cry, smile, impale yourself if you want. But he will never care again. Nobody cared after they saw me. And we should know that more than anything else. Nothing matters anymore."

"If nothing matters, why are we talking right now ...? If I just die tomorrow why am I still thinking about a future ? A person that would like to be happy even if they die because of me ?"

"Because you couldn't leave here without an answer. You're too stupid to see it for yourself."

And just like that, he wakes. He's covered with sweat, has some difficulties to breathe and has a few tears coming out of his eyes. Everything he felt was awful. He need something to help him. It wasn't even a desire it was something he was bond to do. He knew that he had to go to finish the plan he prepared. And what a plan it was. His death was coming. All the ones he loved were going to be executed. Nothing but despair was going to fill them, but still he had to do it. It was the only way to save the world. If he didn't then ... Despair was going to win. But didn't he loved them ? No ... No ... Yes. Yes he did. He still does. But his feelings were stopping him and he had to do it so he must forget. The pain will make him forget. The despair will make him forget. For once he will try his best to feel the worst thing possible.

The lack of hope.


End file.
